For the love of my children

1:26 PM

Thank you all for the beautiful outpouring of love from our announcement. 

We are still wrapping our heads around the fact that this is happening. After an early miscarriage (molar pregnancy) in 2015, followed by losing a baby boy at 18 weeks last fall, we were so hesitant to open our hearts again.

These have been 28 weeks of awe at my body's ability to carry this little girl. I cry in wonder at her growth and movement. Thank you for your prayers and well wishes on our behalf. We are 2/3 of the way to meeting our little girl.

Those of you reading this most likely know me and/or Taylor and have heard of our losses and cried with us. But there is an odd facet of my life which is explaining this tender blessing to everyone else.

Let me clarify this: I don't feel the need to explain myself to everyone who asks about my growing belly. I found very quickly that people have no idea what to say when I am blunt about this and my previous pregnancies. Hearing about our loss takes any small chat down a gloomy turn and, almost always, to an abrupt end.

When people engage me in polite small talk, the common questions on the subject can be run through quickly:

When are you due? (12th of never, it doesn't matter that much unless it's your birthday probs)
Do you know what it is? (it's a human)
Do you have a name? (no, but I wouldn't tell you if I did and no, I won't name her after you)
Are you excited? (personally hate this one)
Is this your first? ...

I started replying with a simple 'Yes' when asked if this is my first. It was the easiest thing to say.
But I hate myself for saying it.

There is a big part of me that needs people to know that I will never forget the 18 weeks I carried our baby boy. We will never forget the heartbreak we carry with us. I need people to know that he will never be forgotten or pushed from our hearts as our family grows. I want people to know this because where we've been, the faith we have developed and why we cherish this healthy baby is a huge part of who we are now. 

I carry my joy and my pain together. Always. Just like I will always carry the love of our two children in my heart.

Stay tuned if you care to see the countdown of the last 12 weeks before baby comes!
Much love, 
Larson's in London

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